My Scary Morning in the ER with Levi

I'm very thankful for lots of orders to work on, but between that, taking care of a big family, and just life in general, I'm having a hard time keeping up with blogging. And I don't want to give it up because it's such a great way to document all the happenings in our life, but still. It's tough.

Poor Jonah was feeling lousy for several days a couple weeks ago, and after he began vomiting and ran a fever, I brought him in to the doctors. Diagnosis: pneumonia. Poor guy. He has been my sidekick for the past two weeks, which has been kind of nice (minus the not feeling well part). Of course I thought back to when Ethan and Isabelle both had pneumonia last summer, and then little two month old Levi got really sick, and that phone call from the doctor a couple of hours after his appointment saying that we needed to get Levi to the hospital right away. As in, don't even finish dinner, just get to the hospital. Thankfully he responded to antibiotics and recovered fairly quickly, but he had such a rough start between his stomach issues and then the pneumonia. (The stomach problems persisted for several months, but seemed to go away on their own as he grew older.)

This past Thursday morning started like any other. My husband left for work around 4:15 and then I waited to hear Levi, who usually gets up to nurse and go back to sleep any time between 4 and 5:30. That's quite a gap, yes, but it works for us. And I'll take that over Ethan, who used to get up for the day at 4:30, but of course just be miserable, because really, who wants to be up at 4:30? I heard Levi call out, but it sounded strange. It wasn't a cry, more like a moan, or even a quieted shriek or gasp. I flew into his room because something just felt off when I heard it, and was surprised to hear his crib rails rattling about. For a split second, I thought he was being silly and shaking them, or rolling around and playing, making them rattle. But then my heart crashed to the floor. He was making a troubling sounding clicking noise, as if he were choking, and I bent down to scoop him up, but he would not stay in my arms. He had no control of his body and flopped back down onto the mattress. Normally, when he knows I'm there to get him, he sits up for me to reach under his arms and pick him up. The second time I tried to retrieve him, I felt him shaking all over. And then I felt his skin. I was horrified. He was burning up, hotter than I have ever felt a person's skin in my life. I kept telling myself to stay calm, stay calm, but my thoughts were already racing and my heart was pounding in my chest.

I rushed into my bedroom with him and turned on a light. I had to fight back the urge to panic as I watched him convulse and could not get him to open his eyes and notice me. I wondered if I should call 911, but because he was obviously breathing, I called my husband and told him that something was wrong so he had to come back home. It must have been around this time that his little body stopped shaking, but I could not get him to wake up. That's what I remember thinking, you need to wake up, wake up! He opened his eyes once or twice, but they rolled back in his head and his body was limp. He was still breathing, but I was terrified he might stop. He hates having his diaper changed in the early morning so I thought that might wake him up. It didn't. He fussed a little, at first, then went limp again. My heart was in my throat by now.

I called my parents and my Dad told me he'd come down and we would drive him to the ER together. So I grabbed whatever outfit I'd left draped over the edge of my chair from the day before, threw it on, and ran downstairs with Levi. I woke the boys up and told them they were in charge because we needed to get Levi to the doctor. I knew my Mom was coming down in a bit to help Isabelle also.

I did not put Levi in his car seat to get him to the hospital. It's a ten minute drive, maybe less, and I was afraid if he stopped breathing I wouldn't know it, so I kept him in cradled in my arms. He didn't move the entire drive there. That broke my heart, knowing that he would normally be climbing up me to get a better look at what was going on, curious about everything. But he was completely still.

I could tell that his fever had come down a bit, and then suddenly I was walking him inside the ER. It was barely six and empty as far as I could tell. They got us into a room quickly, attached an oxygen monitor and took his temperature again. 103.8, or maybe .6 - it was high, but I knew it had been higher at home. We gave him Tylenol to keep his fever under control and to avoid another seizure, and then it was lots of waiting and trying to keep Levi comfortable. He wasn't interested in eating or really drinking much, but he did want to nurse, so we settled into the hospital bed and he even drifted off to sleep a few times. At one point my hip was absolutely throbbing because of the way I was positioned, but he was sleeping soundly and I didn't want to move a muscle- literally- to risk waking him. The things we Mamas do for love, ha ha. :)

My husband arrived sometime during our wait, and after a while, Levi even felt well enough to play peek-a-boo with me with the big privacy curtain and then spin around on the doctor's stool for a bit. What a relief! We were given the green light to go home shortly afterward, and the fact that his well check had been scheduled for that very afternoon was perfect. Throughout the rest of the day, we just played, tried to keep him happy and keep any high fever at bay.

This was one of the scariest moments/days of my whole life, one I hope to never ever repeat. My heart goes out to you Moms and Dads who are living with sick children. Truly. I will be praying for you! This was just one day, and yes, I haven't slept great since because I'm constantly worried, but this isn't an ongoing issue for us and I know that isn't the case for everyone. My heart just aches for families whose lives revolve around sick kids. I admit I have begun to worry about things like this, and sometimes it seems overwhelming and consuming, and it cripples me. I have a story to share, later, and I know it plays into this fear. But fear is not from God. I'll share soon....hope you have a great day!

His little body was so, so tired

 I look haggardly in this photo- I'd just taken a shower and desperately needed sleep. BUT Levi was smiling and it was the best thing in the world!

Looking a bit nervous at the doctor's office that afternoon

our big boy is long and lean...just like his Mama used to be, ha ha ha

Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

John 14:27

I'm hoping to get my Ten on Ten post done tomorrow, and I've got quite the story to tell. It may have involved a crazy lady threatening to call the police on me... I couldn't even make this stuff up! :)

2016 GOALS: PRAYING FOR MY CHILDREN

Like many, I'm not big into resolutions for a new year. Changes and improvements can be made at any time; there can always be that fresh start in your heart, regardless of the date on the calendar. But I do like to ponder and reflect on certain areas in my life as we approach the new year, and this year, I'd like to commit to praying for my children more. Simple out-the-door prayers are fantastic, and I try to do those often; but what I'm referring to are those fervent, meaty, soul-searching prayers that shape the lives- and hearts- of my children.

There are so many things that we simply cannot control when it comes to parenting, but this is one single thing that can have the most impact, and yet I overlook it. I admit that I have not put praying for my children at the top of my priority list. For me, if I'm being completely honest, I think it stems from a lack of dependency on the Lord and from regarding prayer as the "next best choice." Prayer is not meant to be a passive activity- God tells us over and over that prayer is our number one defense against the enemy; our number one resource for peace, healing, and contentment; and the most intimate, beautiful path to knowing Him. It is the single most powerful thing we can do.

And yet, I still regard prayer as a last resort often times. It doesn't feel like I'm doing enough. And isn't that the lie? The false sense of security I have when I let myself think that I've got it under control or that I can find a solution to whatever problem I'm facing at the moment.

The truth is, God uses prayer to open hearts and minds, and how I long for this to be my truth!

What a day!!!

I've really been struggling lately. I'm not able to share details, but I feel pretty wiped out from many different sides. It has been a really hard place to be.

It's also really hard to share my heart, yet at the same time, keep certain things private.

It's kind of...funny- no, that isn't the right word...strange to be in such chaos in some aspects of life, yet in other aspects experiencing peace and contentment. I've just tried to write what I'm trying to say at least four different times now, and nothing is coming out quite right.

I know God is with me. In fact, I think He is carrying me. And today was an all-around good day, despite the problems that remain.

There were several victories concerning one of my boys, which is a HUGE answer to prayer! I love that God delights in ALL the details, not just the big, obvious ones. Isabelle had a play date with a friend while I had a much-needed chat date with her Mom. It always feels so good to be heard, I mean really heard, doesn't it?

A wonderful phone call from another good friend, and a beautiful, brisk afternoon outside with my children and our neighborhood friends really made me smile. And be thankful.

We gathered leaves to stuff inside little "goats" to hang outside

Jonah enjoyed a game of Solitaire

I let Caleb have the camera- isn't this picture great!?!?!

cute little ghosts

such a big girl! Caleb took this one, too!

greeting Ethan after his school got out...I believe he had just called me a dork here because I snapped about 20 pictures right in his face at the time, ha! he says it in love, just like when I call him a dork or a moron or some other term of endearment. Hmm, that sounds awful, right? I promise, we're totally joking and laughing...

patting Bella the bull dog

football with friends

 

Jonah is the king of that rip stick thing! do your kids do that?

Oh, and I almost forgot!

I have a brand new niece! Congratulations Kristen (Bill's sister) and Rory!

Sweet little Naomi Louise, born yesterday on my Mom's birthday!- a whopping 15 days early! She's perfect!

I love my Mom so much! I hope she felt special and loved yesterday! xoxo

Promise

a
Promise

Blessed be your name

when I'm found in the desert place...

on the road marked with suffering

though there's pain in the offering...

When the darkness closes in

still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be your glorious name

~Thank you for your prayers and emails ~

Dedication-ed

**Okay, so I wrote some of this yesterday...and I'm not editing now  :)

And today is my parent's 41st anniversary!!  Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!**

Today we had lots to celebrate-

Caleb and Isabelle were dedicated to the Lord at church this morning!

What a humbling, awesome responsibility and privilege this parenting adventure is, and I truly felt the love and support of our entire church family as we stood in front of the congregation and were prayed over.

Thank you Jesus, from the bottom of my heart, for giving me parents who know and love you,

For giving Bill parents who know and love you,

so that we have the honor of raising our children to know and love you- what a legacy for our family.

Thank you for being the life force of our marriage and family,

for giving us the wisdom we (often) lack,

granting us mercy and tenderness when we fail (also often!),

and for loving us with a love unlike any other!

You amaze me, God, and it is my heart's greatest desire to lead our children to You,

Father, Creator, Redeemer, and Friend.

I just LOVE the way Caleb has his little hands folded up on his heart when we were praying!

A picture with Pastor Butler- our church has been blessed this past year since he and his wife joined us almost a year ago...and of course, someone had just had enough picture-taking for one morning, ha!

How this boy melts my heart!

For reals!

My little girl looked so beautiful in her *Easter* dress and new posa (butterfly) sandals

I think this will be her beach portrait dress too- I altered the pattern a bit and added a full lining, which was more of a headache than I'd anticipated, but I think it turned out pretty cute!

I was very proud of my children as they stood up in front of our congregation- Caleb was nervous, which I'm still not used to, as he is such an exuberant, life-of-the-party kind of boy, and this morning at home all he could talk about was not wanting to be dedicationed...it was his nerves, poor little guy.  I am so incredibly awed by all three of our boys' hearts for God, so giving and generous, and I strive to do everything in my feeble ability to preserve and encourage that wonderful spirit.

Isabelle Kate, as I suspected but didn't have total confirmation until this morning, can work a crowd something fierce!  She smiled and waved, waved and smiled, sang out "Hi, Hauntie" to Aunt Kristen, capturing the chuckles of the audience, which of course egged her on even more!  I know God has such incredible things in store for her bold and loving little spirit!  And Jonah was squeezing my arm so hard I'm practically wincing in some of the pictures, ha!  He was not letting go of me for nothin'!  Ethan was his usual crowd-friendly, easy-going self, smiling and at ease.  (He doesn't get that from his father, hee hee.)

I'd better log off- my family is taking me out to dinner so I don't have to cook...or clean up!  :)

**So...yesterday morning I was still up way earlier than I'd hoped to be, and no amount of gentle nudging would make the mister budge.  (Hey, it was my day!)  At all.  So I sicked a kid or two on him.  Still nothing.  Then I mentioned that some kiddos were heading downstairs to make me a full pancake breakfast.  All by themselves.  What do you know?  He moved!

Cutest partners in crime ever!

We don't usually do bath time in the AM...but vanity mandated it- her curls look so cute right after a bath, ha!

Oh there he is!  But he doesn't look terribly thrilled....hmmm....

I was given such wonderful homemade gifts and cards, my absolute favorite kind, and beautiful flowers to plant around the yard.  And as I mentioned above, a night off from cooking and cleaning- blissful!

Thank you Bill, Ethan, Jonah, Caleb and Isabelle for a wonderful, special day!

How did you celebrate Mother's Day?

Thinking To Stay Warm

I did something this week I don't normally do.

I watched the Bachelor.

I like the young man enough- he seems sweet and genuine; though I really wonder what on earth he expects to find in a situation like this one....I digress.  The women, on the other hand, didn't come across quite so well.  Maybe that's all part of the marketing ploy for all I know, yet I found the whole thing really, really sad.

Halfway through the show my heart was aching for some of these girls, wondering why they felt so empty, so "washed up" at the tender age of 25.  The most horrifying aspect was that several of them seemed to have already mapped out their young lives with this man, as if they knew him intimately enough to even fathom the idea.  I guess I felt sorry for some of them, and I wanted to take them aside to tell them how valuable they are, how much God loves them and has a perfect plan for their lives, whether it involves finding love on a TV show or not.  Then it hit me- I didn't know that when I was their age either.  I've always believed in God, but I didn't have any knowledge of His real love for me and for the details of my life.  I cannot reach out to the girls on the show, but I can reach out to the young women in my own circles, to encourage them, uphold them in prayer, and simply be there.  I'm going to have to pray about what God wants me to do...and I'll keep you posted.

For now, I'm cold, feeling a bit withdrawn and isolated, so I'm going to post a few favorite pictures from warmer days over the years.  Enjoy!

I started out the brand new year

without the usual fanfare and excitement; without my annual To-Do list perched by my side; no countdowns, celebrations, or even a midnight kiss from the mister.

No, my date was more the porcelain variety.

Eeewww.

Not pretty.  Definitely not fun.

I suppose my night of terror wasn't really that big a deal; rather, it was the all-nighters I'd been pulling with each child leading up to it.  It was strange- each kid had his, then her, own horrible night and subsequent horrible day, and then it was all over.  One right after the other.  All week long.  I'm not sure if it was worse that it was vacation week, or if it was actually a blessing in disguise.  Regardless, it seemed like a really long week.

But we are back to relative good health today.  The sun is almost shining, which would be a wonderful gift after nearly 4 days of gray, snow-stormy days, and Isabelle Kate and I have already survived the likes of the grocery store, tidied up a bit, and played outside.  And it isn't even lunch time.  Oh, I think I'm making a comeback afterall!


Be forewarned: there may be disconnected, not-fully-thought-through ramblings if you keep reading....so scroll down for a cute pic if you're not in the mood.  :)

I was thinking just the other day that I never mentioned how Christmas Eve holds an extra-special significance for our family.  June 24, 2008 was the day we loaded up and moved down to Guatemala to be with our baby girl, for what we thought would be a 2-3 week stay in the country.  So many things happened there, things that I feel I have yet to fully recover from but I won't allow myself the proper time and space to reflect...well, anyway, we didn't even realize until Christmas Eve last year that it was our 6-month anniversary of being together with our Isabelle.  I think that's pretty special!  And this year, yesterday actually, marked that magical aoption landmark of having more time together than having had apart.

When I look back on our year-and-a-half together, I'm amazed, humbled, and mostly in awe that it feels like she has been with us forever.  Yet the truth is that she spent just as much time with her beloved foster family.  I know God brought us to each other and it is He who has smoothed out the bumps along the way.  I know He meant for us to be her parents just as she was born to be our precious daughter.  Still amazes me.  Leaves me...speechless, if you will, though certainly not for long.  Ha

In reflecting on these things I can't help but feel unworthy.  I am not a perfect Mom.  I lose my cool, battle with self-doubt, insecurity, and other energy-draining issues.  I do not choose peace every time, and I certainly don't feel joy in my everyday life, not the way I long to.  There are many days when I wonder if my daughter would have been better off with another mother; if my boys would be better off with a more giving, fun, easy-going Mom.

Hmmmm.  That's sounding more meolodramatic than I'd intended, but yes, it's still truthful.  I make so many mistakes!  And I'm all too aware of the damage that gets done, even without intention.  Yikes, that's almost unbearable!  Yet I know, I believe, and I have found out for myself, that God does keep his promise about using our pain for good.  He alone gives us the freedom to live, love, and forgive fully, so I think I'll meditate on those promises this week while I now have the chance to think ahead to the promises and hope of a brand new year.

This cutie has always had such a keen sense of style-

this was his response to putting on a warm play shirt and some longer socks for outdoor play

HA

2006-

See my point?????

hee hee hee hee -how I LOVE that boy!!!!

Happy Belated New Year!

~B

Show Us Your Life- Christmas Traditions

The month of December is a very full, busy, excitable month for us because...

Not only do we celebrate Christmas festivities...we celebrate these 2 cuties!!

Happy Birthday, Caleb!!

And...

Happy Birthday Isabelle Katie!!

-------------------------------------------

I didn't really realize that we had sooooo many Christmas traditions until I began going through the photos for this post. Our festivities begin right after Thanksgiving- the pic below was taken on our annual Holiday Hike, getting all geared up for the spirit of the season.

Woo Hoo Boys!
Now with our little angel girl!

A few years ago my mother gave me our family's beautiful advent calendar that she made when I was a little girl, and oh how I heart it! Such wonderful memories!
But because we had 3 little boys, and putting the ornament on the calendar can only be done by one little boy each night, I wanted to create something special so that all three could participate in something wondrous and special throughout the season...

Thus was born the tradition of the December Prayer Basket...

We fill the basket with 24 slips of paper, each filled out with a person's name (or groups of persons, like orphans, neighbors, schools, widows, etc.), and each night we gather in the Family Room beside the tree to say a sentence prayer for whoever appears on the piece of paper drawn that night.

It always amazes me how something so seemingly simple can be so deeply moving and inspiring. As a parent, my heart swells with joy watching my children open their hearts to the people around them with their sweet prayers.

Lastly, someone gets to take a chain off the Christmas Chain, our 3rd activity, which we make on Thanksgiving Day with the parade blaring in the background...

...and request which Christmas song we sing that night.

In case you're wondering if we've added a 4th thing because we now have 4 children, no ~ it actually worked out beautifully last year, as Isabelle's loving brothers consistently took turns letting her do one of their activities for the night. Awwwww, so sweet!

This may sound like an awful lot of stuff to keep track of, but honestly, once we're gathered together, it all happens rather quickly. There is something so magical, uplifting and wondrous about sitting together beside the shimmering tree, praying and singing to the Lord. Of course, with busy schedules, there are times when we have to play catch-up, but our hearts are sincere (and the boys keep us on track because they LOVE it all so much!). I find that these three Christmas traditions have helped us to be a stronger and closer family. Year after year, our children tell us that this is their absolute favorite part of Christmas, and that's a very special gift to this mother.

Throughout the month of December we also...

Get together with extended family for an afternoon of baking and decorating cookies

I forgot how green my dining room walls were- ha!
This must have been at least 5 years ago!

Now that the kiddos are older we've begun to make crafts as well

We usually always take an after-dinner walk around our neighborhood with cocoa and flashlights in hand once or twice throughout the month, too. Isabelle is now the only one who rides in the wagon, but there were a few years that all three boys did -wow! Such wonderful memories!

Every year on Caleb's birthday, 13 days before Christmas!, we gather everyone up in the car with "Special" cups (those coffee cups with the plastic lids- it really is the little things, I guess, ha!) of Hot Cocoa and drive all around to see the beautiful lights set out for Christmas.

As for the tree...

Sometimes we walk down the road to a neighbor's tree farm and haul our tree back in the kid's wagon- last year was the first time we had all 4 of our precious kiddos with us, sigh. It felt so good to have Isabelle Kate finally home last Christmas season! And then we always put on the Andy Williams music I grew up listening to and trim the tree together.

Look how little and adorable Caleb is in the next pic! Awww!

When each child was born we purchased a special pewter ornament and had their name and the year engraved on it. These are the first ornaments to get hung on the tree, and each child gets to hang their own ~ here Caleb is carefully hanging up HIS ornament...again..and again... (they are very protective of their special ornaments!)

I think he must be inspecting his hard work!

We had a hard time deciding which year to put on Isabelle's ornament because she was born in 2006, and it says "Baby's First Christmas" but we weren't together until 2008...so 2008 it is, Baby's First Christmas HOME.

We also love the generous spirit of of St. Nick

We're sure to leave out coffee, cookies, now a protein bar, thank you, boys!, and carrots and apples for Rudolph and his buddies...I love their excited little faces in the morning when they discover the empty plate with crumbs, a wrapper, and cup!

When I was a little girl, one day the doorbell rang and my Mom asked me to go see who it was...but nobody was there. Apparently I didn't look down, either, because she coaxed me out to the door again. This time I saw a beautiful gift on the doorstep, just for me! My heart pounded with delight and I will never forget the feeling of opening that little Fisher Price blender, which really worked, by the way! So Bill and I have also incorporated the tradition of Santa's early delivery on the doorstep (which does require a bit of effort on Mom and Dad's part, kind of a divide and conquer thing- ha!), and it's so exciting and magical! Even though the older boys really know Santa is fictional, they still get caught up in the commotion and adore the traditions involving him.

...And the special shopping trips we take with each child to purchase one very special gift for a sibling ~
Ethan was Caleb's "secret shopper" last year, and he was SO excited watching his little brother open up HIS special gift...

Makes my heart just melt!

But before we open gifts, we sing Happy Birthday to Jesus and blow out the candles on a special cake or coffeecake that we make the day before.

We don't break the bank with gifts under the tree, either; instead, we create a list of things we want to do as a family, like ice-skating and having hot cocoa, going to a nearby hotel to swim for an hour or so, a day at the slopes- things that hold significance for our family and help us create wonderful memories together. I hope our children will look back on this one day with a great appreciation for what we've tried to do, but we do live in a fallen world, and there is sometimes grumbling and whining over coveted toys and hyped-up trends.

Now I adore my very new tradition of making Isabelle's Christmas dress for church...

(and you're looking at the smiling reason there are no ornaments on the lower half of the tree- HA!)

But we know what really matters at Christmas, and that's recognizing, honoring and celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, born into the world because of the Father's great love for us, to show us how to love compassionately and wholly, and to share this love with the world.

Blessings to all as we prepare for the wonderful celebrations ahead of us!
For more Christmas traditions go to Kelly's Korner Blog!