SPRINGTIME FAVORITES

 
There is life in the garden again, colors bursting forth and leaves gently unfurling. Every single year, no matter how old I get, I get so excited about all the things popping up in the gardens, the blossoms on the trees, the scent of lilac and crab apple dancing in the warming air.

And baseball season. The games are long, somewhat tedious, and there are a lot of them! But I just love it. I love watching Caleb, who, last year, struggled with such awful, mean-spirited coaches, grow in confidence with new encouraging coaches this year, and just have fun with the game again. It has always been his favorite, and it once again brings a smile to his face. I couldn't ask for anything more as a parent. And he homered a few days ago, which of course, was super thrilling to all of us.

Ethan has been hard at work completing the last of his classes to bring him, officially, back on track with his original class. Don't make me say that he is going to be a junior in high school this fall because that will simply melt me into a puddle on the floor. So I won't say it. Or think it.  =) He's also been studying and memorizing scripture for his upcoming counselor-in-training program at a local Christian summer camp. He has been an effortless leader in his entire life, and we're excited for him as he experiences what things God may be calling him to in the (near) future.

Oops! I see it's already later than I'd thought, and here I am, all weepy over my baby boy growing up. This thing we call parenthood is so, so hard, but in ways I'd never imagined. The most precious, beautiful but soul-agonizing journey I'll ever take. It's nice to know we're not alone. Hope you have some beautiful moments in your day today!

In looking for pictures for my grandmother's funeral last week, I stumbled upon these gems. I didn't have a blog when my boys were really small, and so I'm sure I've forgotten some of the details, but we really had so much fun together. These boys were my whole life for nearly eight years until Isabelle came along. I cherished my time with them. And I miss those days like crazy. Then I began blogging, mainly because it gave me something positive to do while enduring that awful wait until we brought her home. And I met lots of other Mamas, and we even became friends.

But things feel different now. I miss those friendships and don't know where- or why- they've gone. Blogging - and reading blogs- doesn't feel as fun anymore; it feels more like a business endeavor. I'm also human, and my heart and stomach feel a little sick that not one person thought to comment on the passing of my grandmother last week. I know I've said that this blog is ultimately a journal for me, a way to help me remember our days together, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't been disappointed in the lack of connection with other readers that I once felt.

I'm a real person, with real hurts and failures and struggles, and I'm struggling with this lately. I'm not sure where I fit into this "world" anymore. I'm trying to live a simple God-honoring life, raise our children well and with intentionality, create family togetherness and memories as well as inspire in them the desire to live for Christ, raise money for our next adoption, make time for friendships- which I struggle greatly with- and tackle projects around the house and in the garden...and the list goes on and on. But mostly, I'm trying desperately to value a life lived with less stuff and more living. The important things. The things that truly matter. This is not the encouragement I'm finding in the blog world recently, and it has become a stumbling block for me. I want to be fully present for my family, not wondering why no one has commented on this or that, or which photograph would draw the most attention from readers. Or conversely, secretly getting angry over the latest ridiculous splurge on jewelry, shoes, clothing, or this incessant need to change our homes from one day to the next, never content to just...be. To be glad that we have running water, beds, bathrooms, the means to clean our homes and provide for our families in this way. I'm beginning to see now that God protected me, as well as my time with my boys when they were small, so that I could be fully present for them. I'm human, and I'm needy for praise and attention, which is what blogging filled for me a while back; but what I'm really after is the adoration of my heavenly Father. What I really want to do is to live for Him, to run to Him with my hurts and fears and questions, and rely much less on this medium to fill in those gaps.

Our time here is so, so short. If blogging helps draw me to Christ, or helps others in that way, then I'm all in. If it fosters encouragement and fellowship, fun ideas and just a sense of friendly community, I'll keep at it with a glad heart and a smile on my face. This what I'll be praying about. If anyone reading this has similar thoughts/struggles, or if you're just feeling tired and worn out, or perhaps without direction, then I will be praying for you as well. We Mamas need the Lord and his wisdom and guidance, but we need each other, too. Hope your day is a blessed one.  =)


addendum: I don't think there is anything wrong with blogging for income; that isn't what I meant to imply. But that isn't what blogging started out for me as, and now I'm uncertain of where/how my blog fits in anywhere. I didn't mean to sound hypocritical.

GOODBYES

If you follow me on instagram then you know I've been rather emotional lately. Is that the nice way of calling myself an emotional wreck? A ticking time bomb? Maybe just a train wreck. You get the idea. Between life and flaws and hurts and laundry and adoption and busy schedules and housekeeping and keeping hungry bellies fed, I'm feeling it.

And then my grandmother died. She turned 96 in February, so she lived a good, long life, and she died peacefully, surrounded by all who love her. But now. But now? She's...gone. And I wish she wasn't. It's a hard thing to watch someone who was once so spirited and full of life dwindle into a shell of what used to be. That's how it had been over the past few years with my Gram. On the one hand, I hated to see her like that; on the other, I hated the thought of losing her, too. Now she is fully restored and filled with joy and made complete in Jesus Christ, whom she loved with all her heart. She's probably telling John the Baptist some joke right now, laughing it up like only the ones who really lived can. This is good, wonderful news, and it does bring comfort. But saying goodbye is so, so hard. Nobody is ever ready for goodbye.

In keeping things a bit private, I'm going to post just this picture of Isabelle on one of our trips to visit Great Gram. One of our traditions was to bring her the first bouquet of flowers from our yard. I remember having to cheat a bit the year we moved in here because there wasn't anything yet, ha!, and this one is from a few years back. Isabelle looks so small! And perfect and precious and lovely. I miss her at that age and I'm grateful to have these beautiful memories forever captured.

I love you, Gram, and I already miss you so much. I will one day see you and hug you again. Love, your little Bethie

FAVORITE PERFECT PANCAKES RECIPE

It's May 1st? How can it be May 1st?!?! We've had school vacation this week and the whole thing just got away from me. In a good way, I think.

I realized recently that I've never posted my trusted, favorite pancakes recipe...well that is a wrong I can right, so here you go! They are so good and always come out perfect.

What You'll Need:

2 cups all-purpose flour (I use unbleached)

1 Tbsp granulated sugar

1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

dash salt

2 eggs

2 cups milk

2 Tbsp vegetable oil (plus more to cook them)

mini chocolate chips (or blueberries!)

**update**
**For fluffier pancakes, add a tablespoon or two of water and whisk lightly- I literally hold the mixing bowl under the faucet and turn on the water for a second.**
 

I've made these pancakes so many times I could probably manage them blindfolded. I've passed the kitchen torch, so to speak, to my boys, and each one can now make these on their own. I am very proud of their accomplishments in the kitchen!

Blend the dry ingredients into a large mixing/batter bowl; add the eggs and milk and whisk lightly. Add oil and whisk again until batter is smooth. Pour in some chocolate chips and fold in with a spatula- you can sprinkle more onto the pancakes themselves as they're cooking. I cook pancakes on a griddle, set at 375 degrees, in just a little bit of oil. The more oil you use will result in a crispier outer layer, which some people in our household prefer. Easy enough to cater to. :)

Add blueberries, chocolate chips, diced peaches...or nothing at all, and they will be so delicious!

Nothing says I love you quite like chocolate chip pancakes and fresh strawberries.  =)

This recipe feeds our hungry crew of six fairly well, though at times I've had to add a bit more flour and water to extend the batter a bit. As learned when boys are at summer camp, this makes way more pancakes than the few of us can handle. Leftover ones freeze well, or simply halve the recipe.

Oh! Isn't this cute? It sure made me giggle. I was either cooking or sewing (or both!) and hadn't heard her for a while so I looked around the house, around the front of the house, and then...there she was, my cute little bookworm and her rain umbrella-turned-parasol. Ha Ha Smart cookie.  ;)

Here are my other pancake recipes if you'd like to try some more:

Blueberry Buttermilk Pancakes

Puff Pancake with Fruit

Apple Pancakes with Powdered Sugar "Syrup"

(these have flax seed and wheat germ in them!)

Lastly, I wrote a post on the Rose and Ruffle blog about what's coming to the shop this summer. Click here if you'd like to read it. Thanks, and have a fabulous weekend! You can see updates and snippets of our family life on Instagram, too- look for roseandruffle