Levi's Birth Story

So. I think my blogger name/identity crisis is over, and I've decided to go back to my original blog name, well, with one slight change that is. Insert all the heart eyes here!!! Blogging used to be so much fun, before the marketing and business side of things, before thinking through how my posts would rate with audiences, how my numbers look... and it wasn't much fun anymore. I miss the days when it was just about sharing stories about life and meeting other Moms who were right there in the trenches with me. By the way, if you've been reading for a while, thanks. I hope you find encouragement, or at least a little laughter here. If you're new, then welcome! It was the perfect way to record our family's shenanigans, and I'm so thankful for that because without it, so much would have been lost- I always say, "oh I'll remember," and yet I never, ever do. So anyhoo. We're back to 4 Sons Plus 1... Super Cute Girly Girl.

Onto Levi's birth story:

Right before Easter weekend, I whipped up some final caps and outfits for little man because I thought he might be on the way early, and I just had to have a bunny hat in case. You know, priorities. ;) The contractions never amounted to anything, but they got quite strong and lasted several hours each time, often all during the night. Of course. All along, I had the option of a scheduled c-section but I was really aiming for a natural labor and delivery.

Earlier, around 37 weeks, my doctors were getting slightly concerned about baby's weight (he had no name, not even a contender, until the 11th...or rather 28th... hour!) and scheduled me for an ultrasound to check. Baby boy measured in at a whopping 7 lbs 13 oz, Caleb's exact birth weight- how funny is that? The technician kept apologizing that she couldn't really give me any good pictures because his head was so low and pressed tightly against my pelvis. Wasn't really news to me. ha ha I'd been hoping for at least one pic, but nothing that day. The doctors said everything looked perfect and we could progress with the plan for a VBAC.

The rest of the pregnancy truly flew by. We had our big trip to Florida, the baby shower, friends' showers and parties...all kinds of things to keep me busy and occupied. Suddenly it was time to pick an induction date in case he didn't arrive by his due date because then he would be too big and it would be too risky for both of us. The first options given were late March, but I desperately wanted it to be April. Who knows why? I've never had a spring baby, and April sounds so springy. Although I was not so secretly hoping to avoid April Fool's Day as his birthday, but really, what can you do? No need to worry, he wasn't going anywhere.

We decided on April 4th, one day before my due date, to try to get things rolling. First things first, I needed an IV in case of the need for another emergency c-section, and that was scaring the pants off me more than the thought of delivering this baby. I hate IV's. Hate them. They burn and itch, make my hands go numb, and generally make me queasy all over. The one I got that night was no exception. Horrible! (I ended up getting a new one in the next day because it got all stopped up. Lucky me.) I'd also tested positive for the Strep B (?) think, so I needed a steady dose of antibiotics for little one's sake. My body didn't tolerate the meds well either, so they flushed them more, which increased the amount of swelling considerably- I still can't wear most of my shoes and flex my ankles at 10 weeks postpartum!!! Crazy!!!

I was thrilled, however, that my wonderful OB wanted to try some newer options instead of simply hooking me up to the big stuff right away. This may sound shocking to you, and I apologize in advance (if you're taking a sip of something, swallow it first because it may make you die with laughter/horror, in which case you'll be wearing that drink), let your mind ponder this gem: cervical balloon. Apparently someone discovered pressure points on the cervix and...ugh, never mind. But it worked! Contractions picked up and I was 4cm by midnight. Bill had gone home, since we thought we'd have until morning before any action happened, to stay with the kids and get everyone ready for school the next morning. But the nurses told me I should call him, so I did, and then we put in the call to my Mom around 12:30 to come to the house. My Dad answered and I'll never forget how grumpy he sounded, which isn't like my Dad at all. Hello? Having a baby here! You should anticipate middle of the night calls when you are the call people. ha ha

Bill arrived back at the hospital around 1:30 am. I was trying to be brave and all, but I think I was relieved having him there. And then of course, everything stopped. So frustrating! I made zero progress for the next ten or so hours. I was trying to remain positive, but I was feeling tired at this point, having been in the hospital since early evening the night before and basically getting no sleep all night. My nurses were such sweet and caring people, and I was later told that everyone enjoyed hanging out in my room- it sure helped me having everyone congregate in there with me! We told stories and laughed, and they were so encouraging when contractions did periodically come, because when they hit, they hit hard. Wow. But still no progress. I knew it was time for the big P by then. It wasn't what I'd wanted, but I was at peace with it.

I was relieved that baby boy's heartbeat stayed regular and strong. This had been the problem with Caleb, and ultimately why I was rushed in for the c-section, so that was a huge relief. The Pitocin took effect pretty quickly, but then that, too, seemed to stall out. My parents stopped by to visit, and we ended up chatting with a nurse who grew up living just around the corner from our house. When they left, things picked up again, and I was feeling hopeful. I was checked after several more hours of even more intense labor, and nothing. Nothing! Not even one cm! I admit, I was getting discouraged after having been positive and upbeat - mine was the party room, after all ;) - for so long. A midwife that had been hanging out with us suggested breaking my water, so I knew if that happened, baby was coming one way or another within the next twenty four hours.

Within a half hour, the intensity of the contractions skyrocketed and I could barely speak. I remember feeling extremely anxious and nervous about how well I could tolerate them if they lasted for hours and hours more. I didn't want to give in to panic, but I think I was teetering close to the edge. I was having trouble forming coherent thoughts and I couldn't catch my breath because there were so few breaks in between. I don't know if that freaks the average person out, but it was doing a number on this asthmatic, ha. I distinctly remembering wanting someone to punch me really hard and just knock me out. I actually begged Bill to do it. Sadly (or wisely), he refused. It all sounds rather melodramatic now, but at the time, in the height of that pain, I didn't think I could get through it. I had been praying and conversing with God all day long, feeling so grateful and excited, but at this point I was simply delirious with pain. I may have asked God to 'take me home' once or twice. That embarrasses me to write, but that's what agonizing pain will do to a girl I suppose.

Fiiiiiiinally, I made it to 10 cm but the doctor said I still wasn't quite ready to push. When he left the room, my sweet nurse told me that if I needed to push, then to push. And then things got really real fast. The doctor was called back in and I could begin to push, but then the doctor would tell me to stop for a minutes because the baby was getting caught up. I'm really not even sure why at this point, although I know the intense pressure was what caused the blood vessels around his sweet little eyes to burst. I think part of me wishes I had taken pain meds because I cannot remember what exactly was going on as he was born. My body was done, my mind was obviously not far behind, ha. But both finally got it together enough to bring perfect little Levi Matthew into the world at 8:35 pm Tuesday night. To this day, I cannot adequately express that moment. Such relief and tender, indescribable joy. The instant this sweet little miracle was placed on me, so many wounds in my grieving heart were soothed. How I had ached for another child. The years we spent trying to adopt again, the babies that we said goodbye to because they would not be joining our family. That pain goes deep, its roots reach far and wide. But here was this precious gift, someone I never thought I'd know, because I never envisioned God allowing me to carry another child. We are not ruling out adoption in the future, but for right now, my heart is quite happily full. =)

 all packed and ready for the hospital

(I found those printable on Pinterest- they were so helpful to see during labor!)

 about an hour before leaving for the hospital

 from a few days prior, but a view of the front

whoa, baby!

 so excited to meet this baby!

 and here he is, perfect and healthy

 this squishy face!

 Exhausted, feeling like a truck had run me over, but oh so very happy

Jonah and Caleb meeting little Levi for the very first time, around 9:30 pm
 I was afraid Isabelle would never get back to sleep if she came to the hospital that night, so we had Ethan stay home with her; I've regretted that a little bit, but they both met Levi early the next morning

Levi's first bath- that face! I love it so much!
His hands are still so expressive, and in constant motion

 one completely smitten Mama

captivating his Daddy

 look at that face!

 cheeks and chins for days...such a sweetie!

I had dreamed of a newborn "swaddle photo"

it was snowing and dark, so I laid the blanket on the couch by the window and did my best

baby wrinkles!

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

12/12/12...The COOLEST Birthdate EVER!!

Happy 10th Birthday to our favorite little {big} guy!!!
Happy Birthday Caleb!!!

In honor of having such a cool birthday, I thought I'd share Caleb's birth story. It's truly miraculous, and every single day I'm so thankful that his precious life was spared. We almost lost him, but we didn't know that until I was being prepped for an emergency C-section on my actual due date: 12/12/02.

It was a cold Thursday, I was ginormously pregnant and uncomfortable, but I also remember feeling so joyful and content. I didn't think I was going to like having a baby so close to Christmas, but I found the opposite to be true- I loved it! There is such magic everywhere in the weeks leading up to Christmas, and I was really, really happy about having this sweet little baby boy. My third sweet baby boy, in 3 1/2 years!

I'm sure I'd been taking it easy with Ethan and Jonah that day. I wish I'd had a blog back then so I could know exactly what we were doing (and don't even get me started on the sadness that was pre-digital age!), but I imagine we were working on Christmas crafts, playing with bubbles in the kitchen sink, reading stories, and snuggling together under play forts. We did that a lot when they were little, and I'm so glad!

By late afternoon, I realized that I hadn't felt little No Name (we couldn't decide on his name to save our life!) moving around much all day. I tried to think back on when I'd last felt him wriggling around, and I just couldn't remember any movement. I drank some OJ, perhaps had some chocolate too, waiting for some movement. Nothing. I wasn't panicked, but I did call my doctor, figuring it was nothing. I was extremely surprised when he told me to get to the hospital as soon as I could to get checked out.

I called my Mom, of course, and waited for Bill to get home. Cell phones? Um, what were those? We just waited. Bill drove us to the hospital at 7 pm and I was immediately hooked up to monitors and machines. I still was not panicked or nervous, mostly excited about hearing his sweet heartbeat again. Bill says he noticed some looks being exchanged between triage nurses, but I didn't. I went on in detail about what I wanted from our favorite Chinese place when "we get outta here" since we probably wouldn't be out on a date for a little while after #3 entered our already-busy lives.

Then my doctor came into the room to review the data, and within minutes, several other people flooded in and began handing me consent forms to sign, prepping me with a catheter- ugh- and explaining that we were heading to the OR stat. For real, they said stat. I loved that part! Can you say denial? I must have been in such shock nothing was really registering.

I remember feeling really weird and kind of out of body as they wheeled me down the hallway. I did not like that gurney ride one bit! I'm told, with snickering I might add, that I asked twice if John Carter would be meeting us there. What?! It was the age of ER, folks, and I loved me some Dr. Carter. Yeah, well, he wasn't there. Imagine that! (It must have been then the narcs!)

When we went inside the operating room, I was stunned by how many masked faces I saw in there. A team of neonatal nurses in one corner, an operating crew near my doctor, and countless others whose purpose remains unknown to me to this day. But they were all in there, ready to fly into action to...

That's when the panic set it. Right then, after seeing so many people in that room, waiting for us. It was crazy scary, and at this point, nobody could tell us what exactly was going on with Baby Boy, mainly why they needed to get him out now.

The room was really really quiet. Too quiet. The doctor pulled Caleb out at exactly 9 pm and it was still silent. No crying, nothing. I remember being so scared, wondering what was happening, and if he was going to be all right. Between the shock and confusion- and the quickness of everything- the next details are fuzzy. All I know is that I could not hold my brand new baby boy, and I watched as they whisked him away to the corner. I know I cried a lot over the next hour, waiting to hear what had gone wrong.

I was begging the nurse who was assisting me to let me hold my baby, but she gently told me that it just wasn't possible at that moment. It was a horrible feeling.  She was so kind and brought me back 2 Polaroid pictures of him in the NICU to hold onto while we waited. I treasured those pictures more than I could express, but I ached to hold his baby-soft little body. It was right after this they came to tell us that our baby weighed 7 pounds 13 ounces (our smallest by a long shot!) and measured 23 1/2 inches long. Wait...WHAT?!? Yup. 23 1/2 inches of pure sweetness inside my belly! (Throughout the next 2 days, every.single.nurse measured him "to be sure." They couldn't believe it!)

Within two hours, the doctor came back and told us that our new baby boy had been taken off oxygen, which was good news, but they did not know the extent of the possible damage; and my precious little baby needed a blood transfusion. (He ended up needing two.) Caleb had been steadily bleeding out through the placenta and his vitals were not improving quickly enough. He also had terrible jaundice. The doctors had been considering air-lifting him to Dartmouth Hitchcock in Lebanon since his birth, but decided he was stable enough to try the transfusion first.

Our parents took turns coming to the hospital and staying with Jonah and Ethan at our house. My Mom and Dad arrived around 11:15 pm and got to peek in on him. My mother said she was shocked to see him hooked up to all kinds of different machines- it was a difficult sight to take in, though I still had not seen him since 9 pm when he was born. Mom persuaded someone to take me to see him, and I'm so sad I don't remember any of it, but she loves to tell me this story...

Baby Boy was still, yellow and pale, covered in patches and bandages, wires and tubes, laying in the little bassinet. His eyes were closed and he was quiet, until the very moment when they wheeled me over to him on my gurney. I began talking to him and my Mom says he craned his little neck to turn his head in the direction of my voice the instant he heard me, and he opened his mouth and eyes and kicked his legs up. She says "he came alive" at that moment. I just love that.

While we'd been waiting in our room, I remember watching something on HGTV about decorating for the holidays, and then my beloved ER was on, ha. We still hadn't decided on his name. It would either be Aaron Caleb or Caleb Andrew- I think I just needed some time with him to decide, but we hadn't gotten any yet.

Finally, after a long, listless night, I was able to hold my new baby the next day. It was probably the closest thing to heaven on earth at that moment. I'd promised myself that I would cherish every single little thing with this surprise baby of mine, and I can honestly say that I did. I savored the minutes with his soft skin against mine. I brushed my cheeks against his newborn head again and again, now aware of how quickly that perfect softness vanishes. 

The nurses were spoon and dropper feeding him, and I was surprised that they wouldn't let me try to feed him. I can't pump to save my life and I was terrified that I'd dry up before even getting the chance to nurse him. It was three long (and painful) days before I'd be able to hold him and feed him, and of course he ate like a champ. That was a huge relief!

Somewhere in there, we settled on a name. Caleb Andrew just fit, and he looked like a Caleb. I love his name!

During one of our early skin to skin times, in which I always got kind of dumped in a corner of the NICU room behind a curtain, I overheard several nurses chatting. They must not have known I was there because they were going on and on about "the baby who bled out and needed transfusions," how rare that was, and this and that. It wasn't until one nurse later told me that they all agreed that if I hadn't come to the hospital that night, Caleb would have been gone by the next morning. Our doctor added that if I'd been induced like I had been with Ethan, he probably wouldn't have survived the delivery. He also told us that with my history of abdominal ectopic pregnancies, and the trauma Caleb underwent being born, I would be wise to not conceive more children. It was a lot to take in.

By the fourth day I was sooo ready to go home, but I still couldn't get out of bed without excruciating pain. It was then discovered that I am allergic to the steri-tape that was used to close my incision, and the skin was all raw. My OB/GYN was ticked that no one had checked the incision before, and she put me on antibiotics right away. That helped so much, and I was feeling a lot better by nighttime. So thankful for good doctors and medicine!!  
  
Caleb and I were finally released on the sixth day. I couldn't WAIT to get home! I missed Ethan and Jonah so much!

Now our family jokes about the infamous Chinese dinner that never happened, ha! It's a central part to Caleb's story.  Funny, that is exactly where the birthday boy wants to go tonight.  :)

So, that's the story. We have been so blessed to be Caleb's parents! He is one of the smartest, funniest, kindest, and generous kids I have ever known! 

 

Caleb at 3 days old- his teeny little face was so perfect!

 Jonah and Ethan (l to r) reading stories to Baby Caleb in the kitchen

Caleb has always been one of those super neat eaters...

Caleb and I have always had a special bond...

 Today I surprised Caleb with balloons in his classroom - he had just come back from gym....can you tell?

He handed out the lollipops we made to his classmates and teachers, and then asked if he could give the leftover ones to other teachers and staff. That speaks volumes of his giving heart! We just love him so much!

Happy Birthday Caleb!!