Fifteen Years

15 years is a long time!

It hasn't been all sunshine and roses, but it's pretty great.

I love my husband, I love our life.

Happy Anniversary to us!

Our Forever Family {Reunited} Anniversary

September 4, 2008 - One of the happiest days of my whole life

If I close my eyes, I can still feel the wind along I-93 N blowing against my face from the open car window on our way home from Logan Airport. I remember it felt odd sitting up in the front of the car, since I'd spent the last 3 months either walking through Antigua or taking taxis to the city whenever necessary- you sit in the back in a cab, and it just felt so strange being up front again. Even stranger, I think, is how fresh the air smelled. I will never forget that. It was like taking my first deep breath in such a long time, and the air was so sweet. Perhaps this is my mind playing tricks on me, as we were just outside of an airport, riding along the highway. Nothing too meadow-like in that equation. But it was like heaven to me. I couldn't stop inhaling air from home.

I can't even begin to describe the ecstasy of throwing my arms around my boys. I hadn't seen Ethan or Jonah for 2 months, Caleb for over one. I missed his first day of Kindergarten. I missed the other first days of school. The feeling of seeing and holding those boys again simply doesn't compare with anything else. I kept right on inhaling, my face buried deep against their skin for hours on end. I never wanted to let those little bodies go again.

And here we are, four years later. It's no secret that our adoption journey is marred with many scars and detours, and lots of hidden, obscure valleys to boot. The good thing about those valleys, you can only look UP.  We looked up a lot. Now, in the throes of parenting, we're still looking up and wearing out the carpet beneath our knees. But it has been so worth it. SO WORTH IT! 

If you are considering adopting but don't know where to start, simply pray about it. Pray that God would lead to the right people for advice, guidance, support. Listen to those yearnings in your heart. Be willing to walk forward on the path God has for you. And when those challenges do come, remember to look up.

He is faithful.

Look at that face!

So worth it!

This is one of my favorite pictures of my sweetie and me during our long stay on Guatemala

 My best friend Beth snapped this before we left for church that morning- this was in the courtyard outside our apartment complex where Isabelle and I lived for 2 months

Just So I Don't Ever Forget

I wanted to jot down some things about this past week before they get lost forever in the muddled mess that's my mind recently.

Blogs are pretty handy that way.

 Last Tuesday was the first day of school.

My mind was racing, but not so much with the usual thoughts. More like, Howintheworld am I going to get everyone everywhere on time?

Here was our day:

4:45 Shower, make lunches, get waffle batter ready. Oh, and read the 2nd Hunger Games novel...awesome!

6:35 Either traipse through Isabelle's room or walk outside to get to the other part of the house to go get Caleb...surprise! Caleb was up and dressed on his own and waiting for waffles by 6:18.

6:40 Breakfast. Round One.

Normally, Isabelle would be getting ready at the same time. About two weeks ago, we found out that our town has changed the way they "do" Kindergarten.

Since Caleb was in K 4 years ago, this was news to me.

7:00 Breakfast. Round Two.

7:10 Drive Caleb to school (it's 5 minutes extra to and fro in this house); plus, with the addition of a brand new elementary school for K-2, the traffic was every which way. 

7:23 Arrive at school

7:29 Finally find place to park

7:40 Still waiting for Caleb's teacher to come outside and form The Line

Let's not forget about the rain. Buckets of it. We are completely drenched.

Somehow this was not the image I'd conjured up about the glorious first day of school.

7:50 Make it to car but am stranded until what seems like the entire town has driven through the parking lot.

8:02 Back home. Decide to wake Isabelle since we'll have to do this for real soon enough. She eats and I do her hair...

8:17 My heart stops when I realize it is a full 10 minutes past leaving for school with Jonah. His first day in a new school! And he's already so nervous, and I know I just made him late! Already fighting tears, but trying to keep them to myself as I sing-song to him that we need to go. Now.

8:19 (It takes J forever and a day to tie his shoes. Go figure.) My seat belt isn't working. As in, won't pull out enough to latch. Mild irritation quickly leaps to hot rage. I have to go, I can't keep fiddling with this seat belt. I have a teensy meltdown of my own. Go me. Pretty instantly, I apologize and assure my nervous little boy that it's all going to be fine, no matter what, and I admitted to him that it was completely my fault for the late start. I felt truly awful. He was counting on me and I know I let him down. 

He returned my smile and set the world right again. He has a good heart.

8:29 Arrive. Thinking good thoughts until I see that the outside of the school looks deserted. I instantly wonder if I've messed up the date. We park, get soaked all over again. No one in sight. My heart is pounding. Three wild good chases later, we finally find his class. Thank you Adults #1, 2 & 3 for looking official and knowledgeable but sending us in all the wrong directions. (If you don't really know, then don't act like you do, in my humble ol' opinion.) I was really fighting tears now, and my heart sank when Jonah had to walk into an already-seated around tables room full of students and teachers. Who would enjoy that situation, whether you're shy or not!

8:55 Across town and back at home again

9:05 Bring Isabelle into school for her Meet and Greet in her classroom

 Now I'd been giving Isabelle prep talks because her first day would last a whopping 15 minutes. Not even kidding. We were given blocked schedules. 15 minutes.

That was her first official day of Kindergarten.

The prep talks were because I was scared to death she would have a meltdown when it was time to leave.

She wants to be in Kindergarten sooooo badly.

She kept asking when I was going to leave her there by herself, ha!

And the next day?

In order to make the transition smoother, or something like that, half the children attend.

Isabelle's half went Thursday.

It all seems very silly to me, but at least we got in a play date at one of our best friends to ease the pain.

Thursday was a big hit! 

Anyhoo.

My Mom, Mimi, had asked about picking up Jonah, since his half day ended at 11:30.

And Ethan's began at 12:30.

11:05 We planned to meet up at McDonald's for lunch to kill time. I realize I spent all that time making lunches for nothing.

Oh well. Caleb needed his and said his bagel sandwich was awesome!

And Jonah said he had a great morning!

The rain stopped too.

12:12 Say goodbye to Mimi. Drive us all over to school, park the car, and walk with Ethan to meet his new teacher. Only Ethan is walking faster and faster, and soon is with a group of friends with his back turned to me. Fine. I coaxed Isabelle to yell out sweet nothings at him in front of everyone as we walked back to the car. He smiled and his cheeks turned red. Mission accomplished. =)

12:30 Back at home for the third time today. We talk all about school and play games.

2:10 Time to go pick up Caleb. I'm really excited to hear about his day, and he loved every minute of it. Except the sitting parts. Huh? I laughed. That boy doesn't like to sit still, that's for sure!

2:48 Fourth time pulling into the driveway. Snack time. Peanut butter on graham crackers with chocolate chips sprinkled on top. A favorite.

3:50 Bill comes home with Ethan, who had a good day.

I left out something, because somewhere along the way, I made an early dinner- Ethan had soccer try-outs at 5, so he had to eat by 4:10. Ugh.

I'm really going to have to plan meals this year, and stick with it- our schedules are already crazy!

Ethan and Bill returned around 7. Then Ethan handed me a stack of papers. Which, he informed me, were due the next day. Um, that stack is sitting right here beside me on the desk. Whoops! Isabelle has a picture page to make, and the others have things too...so much for a day off!  =)

After reading through that day, I have a little more grace with myself for not getting the pictures I wanted that morning. The sheets of rain didn't help, but we got some cute shots later on when the sun peed through. There were also a couple dog walks and house things I didn't write about- it all takes time!

So...Happy Labor Day!

This holiday always coincides with our anniversary, so we always get a day off.

I would tell you how smart I am to have planned it that way, but...my older cousin was getting married for the first time that same year and I wanted to give my family a couple of weeks to recover before they went through another big wedding.

I don't think we realized until a few years in, when we kept getting 'Anniversary' days off work, ha ha!

Oh, by the way, the seat belt finally cooperated about 5 minutes in. Whew!

Firsts

This has been a hard week.

First, there was moving; or rather, the preparations to make the move.

Whew!

While our living arrangements are temporary, we're fairly settled and determined to make the most of it.

I just got internet (and phone and cable) back on today, but honestly, it was a nice break.

The REAL thing occupying my thoughts all this week was the first day of school.

Am I ready? Are they ready? Did we have enough fun this summer? 

Can I handle the soccer schedules?

When the boys were smaller, I was so SO excited about each new school year, but now it feels very different.

There aren't as many years left, not quite so many grades to go through.

And it leaves a nagging ache in my chest.

Nobody prepared me for this part.  

Isabelle is now in Kindergarten, and that stings as well. Our life with her has so many gaping holes already, and this one feels huge. I feel the angst of missing out on her first 19 months this week, especially, more than I have in a while.

But she is eager and ready for school- I haven't seen her this excited in a long time! Her first morning was filled with raw nerves, moments of sheer joy, uncontainable excitement, and maybe a dash of confusion thrown in for good measure. That pretty much sums up how I felt too.  =)

Here is my baby girl back in August 2007, the very first time I laid eyes on her.

My heart still beats fast when I look at the pictures and remember my first trip to Guatemala.

She was the most exquisite, precious little thing I ever saw...

And here she is as a big Kindergartner exactly 5 years later!

Mid-morning, when I was ALL by myself, I noticed this in her shoe cubby...

You have to understand her love of shoes to truly appreciate the humor in this.

I laughed so hard I think I snorted!

She told me her favorite thing was riding the K-bus home.

Our city has spent the last two years building brand new elementary schools, so Isabelle's school is so clean and perfect. Here she is, ready to go stand in line by her new teacher. Moments after this, she saw one of her best friends walk in and they gave each other a big hug- it was adorable! I think it was just what she needed to wave goodbye to me and walk forward.

She is going to have a wonderful year!

Here is Caleb-

And Jonah-

So handsome! They are such good boys, and I know they're going to have an awesome year!

I feel slightly ashamed that Ethan escaped the first day of school photo.

I think he felt quite proud of himself.

I'll get him this week. Don't you worry.