I'll start with Isabelle. Oh, Isabelle. The brown-eyed love of my life, so sweet and kind and generous... except... when she isn't. I know, I know, we all have our moments, so I'm writing this with a big grin on my face. For the past six months or so, we have gotten into the habit of snuggling for an extra long time on Sunday evenings. She talks about our upcoming Sunday Snuggles bright and early Monday morning, ha ha, so clearly my girl loves her time with her Mama. This past Sunday, she started talking about being adopted. I mean, really talking about it, much more than ever before, and I have to admit that sometimes it sends me in a slight panic because I never want to say the wrong thing to her. Just to be clear here, I love Isabelle's birth mother with all my heart, and when we speak of her, we do so lovingly and respectfully. I can't tell you how many times I've had to stop people from speaking negatively about birth parents, and while not all are honorable as we have so painfully learned, many, many are. Anyhoo. That's for another day.
I don't ever want to forget the rituals of our special nights. How she steals my pillow and blanket off my bed and props them on hers, the way she wriggles and flops around because she's excited (which actually drives me kind of nuts, ha), when she grabs hold of my hand and squeezes it, and then places it on her back so I will "do words." I don't want to forget any of it.
Wednesday morning is "coffee morning" (which is today...yay!) for Ethan and me. I know that when I return home from dropping off the other boys that some delicious caffeinated aroma will greet me the moment I open the door. Sometimes I take him out, either to one of the grittier coffee shops in town or to the swanky one, and yes, even McDonald's. It doesn't really matter, it's just fun. And the fact that he doesn't act put out or embarrassed to be with his old Mom is an added bonus.
Our middle boys have faced some challenges recently, and there is just nothing worse than seeing your child in pain and feeling like there's nothing you can do about it. I feel like I always have to have an answer- which of course I do not- but lately I'm learning the importance of simply being there for them. Oh I've got words of encouragement and extra hugs, but that doesn't "fix" anything. Or does it? I also need to remember to PRAY for them. Why is it that prayer feels like the last resort, the thing to do when all else fails? This year, I want prayer to come first, and then we will face whatever issues we've got going on. It sounds so simple, so why do I have such a struggle with it?
Well, anyway, Caleb invited his two best friends from outside of our church to a fun youth group activity, and when I asked him to look inside my wallet for the money before we left, he smiled and told me he had it taken care of. That really touched me for some reason. I told him I was proud of him and then asked if he'd look for the money that we'd use for his friends. He smiled again and assured me that it was taken care of. What a sweet reminder from my little boy that we should always be cheerful givers and be generous. I may have a generous spirit, but my generosity often gets stopped when I think of bills to pay, and this and that. I really can't stand braggy parents/posts, so I hope this isn't coming off sounding that way; rather, it was just a tender moment I want to remember because lots of our moments lately aren't quite so tender.
I want to be respectful of my children's privacy, especially as they get older, but I will share that Jonah has been struggling with his place in this world, in our family, at school...just an overall confusion and anxiousness I guess you could say. I know we've all been there. Goodness, I think I land there several times a month, if not more, and I've got quite a few years of life experience on this kid. This is yet another example of things I don't have answers for, but I can be the most loving, supportive Mom I can be. I know I've failed lots of times, but there have been successes too. And in his way, he lets me know that he sees me trying- for him- and that means the world to me. I want to remember that the trials haven't broken us; they've brought us closer.
I bought him a brunch cook book from one of those Job Lots places with the hopes that we could spend some time together in the kitchen (which is really, truly, a difficult thing for a control, neat-freak like me!), just him and me, whipping up yummy things on the weekends. He has mentioned this cook book, thanked me for it, and leafed through the pages no less than a dozen times now, which shows me that it means something special to him too. And we get to eat delicious food as well. Win win. =)
This was probably the biggest bore to anyone else reading it, but my best intentions of remembering these everyday things always fails me, and every single time, I wish I had just written them down when they were fresh in my mind. As I mentioned above, we do have a lot going on right now. We've begun making some big decisions for the future of our growing family, and if you could keep us in your prayers we'd so appreciate that. Thank you! Have a wonderful Wednesday...here's a shot of my silly girl to make you smile!
She cracked herself up all through dinner. Oh look! They're reversible! HA HA HA (She was concentrating reaaalllly hard doing Isabelle's hair.)
Oh, and in case anyone is interested, I put up a little post on the Rose & Ruffle blog featuring some adorable new baby things for sale in my shop. Thanks! Here's a little sneak peak...