Choosing the Path of Grace (When It's Not Easy)

Well...I started this post on Sunday evening, and now we here we are on Wednesday morning. It's a Snow Day here (both school and church activities for today were announced as cancelled by 7 pm!), and I'm even letting J and E take the day off. HA We were out until nearly 10pm last night watching the broadcast of the debate between Ken Ham and Bill Nye at church, and I had a really hard time staying awake. Science isn't- and never will be- my "thing." I can understand and appreciate it, but it's never going to rock my world. Needless to say, the debate was no exception there. No world rocking. Though I think I appreciate it more now as I think about some of the points than when I was actually watching it.

Ethan was pretty ticked at me last night, if that gives any indication as to his opinion of the whole thing. Can't win them all.

I'm going to backtrack and post this next part how I wrote it (on Sunday night) so I don't ever forget. It was just one of those spontaneous, precious moments you know you'll treasure forever.
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I love my boys so much. From the time our eyes first met to all the many adventures we've shared in between. Of course, there are the occasional challenges, and lately we've been facing a few with our Caleb. I find myself often thinking about how I can best help him navigate these rougher waters of growing up.

After a somewhat trying day, I took a deep breath and silently prayed for more. More grace, more wisdom, more love. To be more than I'm able to be on my own.
 
So tonight I decided to spend a few extra minutes with him as he got settled for bed. As we sank into our spots, side by side under Mimi's silky-soft afghan, he excitedly started in with the low-down on the Super Bowl, up to that point anyway (about 8:20).

"Manning's good, I guess, but I hope the Seahawks take 'em," he says. "That'll be the best revenge for the Pats, the way the Broncos humiliated them at the AFC Championship. I want the Broncos to feel the torture." And he emphasized the word torture, just so I'd be certain he meant it. ha ha

We chatted a bit more about school, sports, life.

"Hey Mom," he suddenly whispered in the dark. "I think I know what I want to be when I grow up."

As I listened to the excitement rising in his too-loud-for-bedtime voice, I smiled, wondering what it would be tonight. The army general and the police officer have been neck in neck for years now. Then there's the occasional fireman, security guard, pilot, and wildlife

"What?" I answered, already anticipating his answer.

"A trillionaire. So I can have enough money to buy all the orphanages in the world so all the boys and girls will have a home, with me. I will be their family."

Cue waterworks.

When he said "trillionaire," immediately words like selfish and worldly came to my mind, and I have to admit that my heart sank ever so slightly. I wondered if this was an area where I might be failing as a parent.

But he didn't stop there.

I was dead wrong. I had assumed the worst, and I was wrong.

We went on to discuss his beautiful plans to give every child a home and a family, careful, detailed ideas to bring comfort and hope to those in need, and I was so moved I could barely choke out the words when it was time to say our goodnight prayers.

The grace that God gave me tonight to put aside my frustrations and disappointments allowed me a glimpse inside his precious little boy heart, and it was such a wonderful reminder to always choose the path of grace. What I would have missed out on if I had chosen instead to keep my focus on outward behaviors!

Since I'm feeling so nostalgic these days...
My little guys-

Out exploring-

This one gets me in so many ways I can't even begin-

I'm quite sure I'll need to be reminded of this over and over and over again, but for today, I'm choosing the path of grace because I want to know my children's hearts.