Motherhood is hard. The passage of time, looking back at the years gone by in just the blink of an eye, desperate to go back to a particular moment or season. To once again feel those feelings of delight and wonder and promise that the first smile, first words, first hug- a whole myriad of firsts- bring. The firsts with older children are quite different. These firsts are preparing them to leave me, us, and it is hard. I've begun praying much more over their futures, their future spouses and families, and this is helping me. It fills me with the hope of even greater things to come, more wonderful firsts.
But lest I get too far ahead of myself, there are still plenty of Mama things for me to do right here and now. I don't want to lose sight of those as my heart aches for the things already passed. I'm excited for my boys as they grow and mature. They are so genuine and talented and razor-sharp smart, and God has a distinct path for them to help build His kingdom. (Jonah was invited to spend the morning running statistics and math-y stuff at a local college...so NOT my thing, ha!) I'm excited for Isabelle as God reaches her heart, and though the struggles are real (and super intense at times!), I know that Truth will always win. I see her growing and learning in remarkable ways- I cannot wait for her to get the chance to be a big sister!!!
I know we are blessed. Our children are healthy, we're able to provide for their needs. Our extended families are close by. Friends of mine have lost one or both of their parents already, and their children no longer have grandparents. How unbelievably sad. Nothing is perfect, and I sure have my issues (whoa!) but what I hope others -especially my children- see in me is a deep sense of gratitude and thanksgiving in my heart.
The first picture happened when I picked up Caleb from baseball practice a while back. It had been a cold and grey day, and then out of nowhere, this amazing sunset just appeared, and we literally chased it down. We drove out to an area where we could stop and snap some photos of the colorful expanse laid out above us. It was breathtaking and overwhelmingly beautiful, a moment to share with my little boy, a memory to treasure up in my heart. I believe in God's sovereignty over the whole world and in my life, and this verse calms my soul. Sorrow will pass, grief will be no more, joy will be everything and everywhere.
But take heart, I have overcome the world.