Vulnerable

I think I've started and restarted this post about twelve times now. I still have no idea what I'm going to say because there's so much swirling around up in my head right now and I can't narrow in on any particular focus. So with that said, here is my randomness in all its random-y glory.

I'm having a hard time dealing with being disappointed by my children. Does that sound terrible? Does that make me sound terrible? I love my kids more than my own life! BUT... I feel like these particular stages and phases are literally going to do me in! Where is all that sweetness and cuteness that used to be such a big part of my everyday life? It isn't everyone -- goodness knows that would send me straight to the loony bin for sure! -- so at least I can be thankful for that, but it's still so hard. Most days I'm left feeling disappointed, frustrated and overwhelmed, and not all that excited for what's bound to be a repeat performance the next day. Please tell me I'm not alone.

On a lighter note, one of my little Love-Troubles has been saying the funniest things lately. The problem is I can't ever remember any of them! By the end of the day I've been here and there and everywhere in between and I'm done for! Maybe I'm just getting too old and it comes with the territory! At least I get some good laughs in throughout the day, right?

I am in complete denial that my little boy will be a freshman in high school next year. Gulp. Nope, never mind. Can't even bear to talk about that right now. Moving along.

I got my hair cut last week at a swanky place (well, swanky for me), and I'm not loving it. That always stinks! I might even muster up the nerve to call and ask for a change -- the back just sort of falls flat and hangs there...it's not pretty -- but that really intimidates me! I don't want to hurt the stylist's feelings, but I also don't want to cry every time I look in the mirror. Decisions decisions... has anyone really ever done that? Normally I just trim the parts I don't like myself, but that's kind of what got me in this mess in the first place, so I promised myself I wouldn't take matters into my own hands again. For a while anyway. Especially after paying bigger bucks! Someone tell me what to do, pleeeaase!

Yesterday Isabelle and I were playing outside when the rain came, for two minutes. Then we went back out, only to get rained on again. And again. I needed a slow day anyway (not that park playdates aren't awesome, but sometimes you just need a quiet day!) so I declared it Movie Day. Wouldn't you know that the second I popped that DVD in, the sun popped through the clouds and shone all afternoon. Oh we didn't care! We watched that movie all right, and I'm STILL singing Now I see the Light.... AND, because I am slow or perhaps living under a rock, I had no idea that the voice of Flynn Rider is that Chuck (never saw the show) guy. Love love love Flynn Rider's voice! Mystery solved, in case anyone else has been living under a rock.

I am so tired of making school lunches right now I wonder if I'm going to break out in hives just thinking about it! Then I'd have a bad haircut AND be itchy! Moving along...

I just hung up on a fundraiser guy on the phone. Well, I wasn't completely rude, just a little bit rude. Maybe when he asked me how I was doing this morning, I should have really told him, ha! I did say 'No thank you' right before I hung up on him, so that make it okay I think. Right?

Okay, one last pity party moment. I truly truly love our new church, and I have enjoyed getting to meet new people as well as get reacquainted with some old friends, but I have this gaping hole inside me that just flat out misses my old church. The church I grew up in. The church we were married at, where our children were dedicated, and so much more. I hope I'm learning to be someone better as a result of this pain because it just kills me that not one friend, teacher or leader has reached out to us in any way since we left almost a year ago. I know we're all busy, and I'm vaguely aware that I'm not the center of the universe, but it just plain hurts! (My friend Kristen is the exception here, but we we've been friends outside of church for a long time- Love you Kristen!) I still don't know people very well at our new church, so I feel stuck in some sort of middle. Missing what was, and lacking the connections to feel really involved and part of the newer community.

I snapped this picture the other day of Isabelle and her friend Tess playing out in the yard. There was so much giggling and smiling and squealing! That's how I always dreamed it would be having a little girl. (I loved watching the boys play with their friends too, but believe me when I say there wasn't much sitting down involved in those play dates, ha!) I'm sorry if I sound whiny today...I do know that I am a blessed, blessed girl.

Okay, I have to go sew sew sew! Lots of orders to finish up, so thank you very much to anyone who purchased something from my little shop! I appreciate you so much! We have a home study update with our social worker next week, so those purchases will help pay for that. Thank you! Hope you have a great Thursday! I'm going to call my Mom to say sorry. And THANK YOU!