A Letter to Levi on His First Birthday

Dear Levi,

Your big day is here, and I can hardly believe it. One whole year.

It feels like you have been with us forever, and we can't imagine our family without you.

 But on the other hand, it seems like I just blinked, and those 365 days passed me by in an instant.

You have brought us the most incredible joy.

After years of loss and grief, you were the most amazing gift that could ever be given to us, and we are so very grateful.

My Levi, you are so loved.

I remember the day I first saw your heart beating, the day mine would never again be the same.

I was scared. But I was also thrilled and grateful and humbled. To think that our great God would bless us with this gift, the most wonderful surprise, overwhelmed me. It still does.

And then the day your Daddy and I both heard your heartbeat and saw you bouncing around everywhere inside, the day we found out we were having a little boy, remains one of the happiest days of my life.

I never imagined having another son, but suddenly, I couldn't imagine my life without you.

A new son! I was so excited.

I want you to know that there was not one moment, not even a second, that I felt anything but joy upon learning that you, my darling little boy, were on your way.

Levi, you are so adored.

Your brothers and sister are completely smitten with you, and have been since they first laid eyes on you in the hospital. It has been so special for me as a Mom to watch each of them interact with you, and you have such a special bond with them. 

You have a way of bringing out the best in them, and it melts my heart.  

I used to worry that you would have to grow up all alone because they're so much older than you, but I'm learning that there really was nothing to worry about at all. 

They love you so much, and they will always be there for you.

Little Levi, you are so cherished.

A first birthday is such a wonderful thing, but it's a hard thing, too, as a mother.
I've cried so many times this week, even though I've tried not to. I can't help it, it's all going by so fast. Too fast.

I have loved this year with you. What joy to experience all your firsts alongside you!

The thought of that part being over leaves an ache in my heart. Even now, tears well in my eyes as I think about how fleeting our days together really are.
But we've cherished them, you and I. Even the hard days.

And I'm so thankful for all the days ahead.

I wouldn't mind getting a bit more sleep, though. ;)

But these long nights won't last forever. And I know I'll miss even them.

My sweet Levi, you are so, so loved.

Until very recently, you never smiled at strangers, or even some family members, ha. We joked that you would work for the CIA one day. You didn't even blink when people tried their hardest to get you to smile.

You've always reached for me first, it's my neck you nestle your face into, my hand that you run your soft little fingers up and down. Secretly, or maybe not so secretly, I adore this devoted affection.

But now you're smiling more at other people and really engaging with them. We have discovered that you've got quite a sense of humor after all, and you love to make people laugh.

Everything about you lights up our whole world, and the world is so much better having you in it.

I pray that you always be light in the darkness, and as you grow, that your understanding of and love for God, the Creator of it all, will flourish and be a great comfort and encouragement to you throughout your life.

Above all else, I want you to know that God has loved YOU since the very beginning of time.

Levi, we celebrated you all day long on your special day.
From the moment you opened your eyes to the moment they finally closed, with you, so soft and warm, nestled in my arms.
We love you so very much!
Yes, I'm still a little sad. I held you in my arms for a long time last night because I didn't want to let go of any of it, of you, of our first year. I did see you several times before midnight, though, as usual, but I didn't mind because then we got to spend even more time together before your big day. :)
 I'm also looking forward to discovering more of who you are, to watching you learn and grow. I am so happy that you're mine!

This week has been very cold and dreary, not what I was hoping for for your birthday week. I really wanted to capture some birthday pictures of you, but it's too cold to be outside, and you keep crawling all over the driveway anyway, ha! And there hasn't been much light inside the house, even after all our painting this week. But of course I've tried to take a million pictures of your adorable face anyway, even when you aren't thrilled about it or you let me know that you hate that bunting touching your little toes or you're yelling at me for yogurt because your teeth ache and your tummy is rumbling.

But today, today has been a good day. A wonderful day, really. You had your first donut (munchkin) this morning, and I was a little worried you were going to choke because you popped the whole thing in your mouth before I broke it up a bit. We played and sang and danced and celebrated all day long. You got to see your Mimi and Grampy, and your Grandma and Grandpa, too.

I love you so much.
Happy First Birthday, my sweet boy!

Hugs and kisses, all my love forever and ever,
Mommy

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 113:13-14