I Think Teething Will Be the Death of Us

Oh man. I know some babies breeze right through teething, and others have a harder time, but this boy... whew, it has been rough!

Anyone who reads here often enough knows that our nights have never been great, but there is only one word to sum them up recently: miserable. They are just plain awful. Gone are the days when I could lay him in his crib after cuddling and nursing at bedtime and he would drift off to sleep. Now he howls and yelps and kicks his legs in protest. Have I mentioned that it's rough? Oh? Yes?
One of us gets him settled after he wakes up crying and the quiet lasts for about thirty minutes before we're up and doing it all over again. By morning, my head aches and my eyes are scratchy and I can't keep anything straight. The fog subsides for a bit throughout the day, but then by lunch, I feel like crashing.
You know who doesn't feel like sleeping after lunch?
You guessed it.
As luck would have it, lately naps are a thing of the past, too. Poor baby is just a wreck plain by noon everyday.

This makes for very long afternoons. Very. Long. Afternoons.

And I just hate to see him hurting so. He cries and cries and cries.

Thankfully, most mornings we have some happier moments.
For a little while anyway. They haven't been lasting very long.

See his adorable peg leg crawl? He holds one leg up and moves on his foot while scooting forward on the other leg and foot. I can't get enough of it. And it's exactly the same as his brothers when they were babies. Must be some genetic thing, ha ha.
Where there is water (dog bowl) or a drawer waiting to be opened, boy moves FAST!

Here's a picture from Levi's one year well check appointment. I'm still getting used to saying that I have a one year old. It's growing on me. :)
So thankful for a healthy baby. He is growing just like Jonah did- not gaining much weight but getting a lot taller! Long and lean.

We were all stripes that day. We also got caught in pouring rain two or three times that morning. Oops. And if you look closely, like I just did, wondering what is wrong with the picture by my cheek, you'll see that it's Levi's spit from having kissed me. Um, gross, but so cute, all at the same time. He is a kissing fool lately, constantly slobbering all over me, and he will offer kisses to Daddy and Isabelle, but he totally fakes the boys out by leaning in to them, and then pushing them away with his hand. Funniest thing ever.

Levi's birthday party was Saturday afternoon, and of course he refused his nap and I was terrified that he was going to cry for the whole thing. I'm really thankful that he pulled it together and even seemed to have a little fun. :) I've got so many pictures to go through, but I'm hoping to have a post up later this week. It was such a cute party, and I think it's going down as one of my favorites. The morning of the party? Not so much. It may have involved a hair cut. A bad hair cut.

On Sunday we went to our "old" church again. I still have mixed feelings about the whole thing, but we'll see what happens and where God leads us. Sundays are not really my favorite days lately because Ethan has a soccer match around 4, and they have all been nearly two hours away. That's too far to bring Levi, so it has been a lot of divide and conquer on Sundays. I'm not loving it. And I'm really not loving having to miss watching him play.

After church, Caleb had his very first baseball practice. He came home really happy with his team and coaches, and that makes me really happy. I'm so hoping for a good season for him. I ran out to the salon for an emergency fix, and as soon as I got back, Bill was taking off with Ethan and Jonah for the game. Isabelle and I decided to bring Levi outside for a long walk to enjoy the sunshine and listen to the birds and brooks in our neighborhood.

Today was super hot out, Levi screamed the entire time I tried to take him for a walk, and he slept for a whole thirteen minutes for a nap today. Yup. Rough. Even still, I tried to take it in stride. I found myself studying his perfect little toes, all the wrinkles and creases in those softer-than-soft tootsies of his, while we rocked and sang. I tried to commit to memory the feeling of his sweet little hand on mine, his smooth palm gliding across my lips as he raises his hand for me to kiss it. All these things are so fleeting, and I want to drink it all in while I can. Here's hoping for better nights...and days!

So that's what we've been up to, and goodness, most if it it sounds dreadfully boring. Ha! I guess my life is boring, but I still kind of love it. :)

Oops! I just realized that I have a Ten on Ten post...guess that will be coming up later, so a bit out of order, which sums up my days pretty well right now. ha ha

**updated**
So...in my exhaustive, depleted state, I sort of combined the two posts because I got my days all mixed up. Well, I've kept my kids alive, bills are paid, and the fridge is fully stocked, so who cares, right?

Levi Turns One! How We Celebrated His Special Day

 Happy First Birthday, Levi Matthew!

Here's a glimpse into our day celebrating our special one year old!

This was actually the 4th, the night before, as we were getting you ready for bed.

I know it will be time to wean you soon, and I thought that's where we were headed a couple weeks ago, but it turns out it was a nursing strike. That was quite traumatic, for both of us! I am SO glad that seems to be behind us.

 I think you look a little nervous. That's probably my fault, as you'd seen me crying for days at this point. I tried so hard to keep it together, but... Sorry, baby. Turning one is a Big Deal.

 Oh look, you're fine. :)

And here you are the very next morning on your BIRTHDAY!

You woke up a little groggy but then started smiling like normal. I don't think you knew what to make of me singing while holding bunches of balloons, ha!

 I made a little collage of my favorite pictures from our special morning.

Look at our big boy!

 And then it was time for...your first donut!

Well, donut hole, to be exact - I wanted to save the real sugar rush for your birthdya party, ha ha ;)

 Guess what?

You liked it.

No surprise there!

 I posted this one on IG and it's my absolute favorite.

Just look how excited you are!

 I was so hopeful for sun, or at least warmer temperatures, on your big day, but it was dark and cloudy all day long. It did warm up just a bit, but the wind made it too cold to enjoy being outside. The past two weeks have been like this, so dreary, so I keep plopping you beside the windows to try to get all the pictures I've dreamed of getting with you for your birthday. It has been a challenge!

I took you to the store to pick up some photos I ordered for your party, and everywhere we went, people kept commenting on how adorable you are. You normally get lots of attention from strangers, so this is nothing new, but it was CRAZY that day- they must have known it was your special day and just had to say hello!

Obviously, that, and sugar, wore you out. :)

You had been very curious about this big box that had arrived the week before, and it was finally time to wrap it and let you open it up!

It came in a plain brown box, so he wasn't looking at his unwrapped gift all week long, ha ha.

We had to show you what to do with the paper, and even then, you tore little bits and pieces. Which is totally ironic, considering the toilet paper fiasco the day before...

Aaand midway through, you got distracted and wanted to chase your balloons around. Oh Levi, you are too much!

When you finally got it opened up, I think you were more mesmerized by the big boy standing in the picture than the actual toy. We didn't set it up as a walker toy because you aren't quite ready for that yet, but you sure love to push the buttons and your very favorite thing is to open the barn door that squeaks and then says "Peek-a-boo, I see you!"

(By far, the most stressful thing for me about planning and putting together a party is the mess that's always on my dining room table as I organize and make stuff. Ugh!)

Ethan was at the gym and then working, or vice versa- I can't keep track!- and he was so mad at us for letting Levi open up his gift without him. Oops.

This is the best photo I've got, yikes. I know you'll want to have a nice picture with all your brothers and sister, so I'd better get on this!

Both of your grandparents stopped by to see you on your birthday, too!

 Oh there's Ethan!

 I guess it was the gym, ha

 I was just looking for a picture with you and Daddy, and I don't have one of those, either, though I know he was taking selfies with you because I remember hearing the two of you giggling and having quite the raucous, so I'll have to steal a pic. ;)

You and Daddy had your usual bath time routine, and I know he wished he could be home with you all day long, so he took a little longer getting you ready for bed- he missed you that day!

And then, one by one, all the boys and Isabelle piled in our room to play with you and kiss you goodnight.

What a wonderful day of celebrating YOU!

From early in the morning until late at night, we got texts, emails, and Facebook messages all wishing you a happy birthday - you are very loved, Levi! Everyone just adores you!

We had Levi's birthday party on Saturday afternoon and it was so much fun.
I LOVE reading about kids' parties, so here is a sneak peek for anyone interested...

I'll have a post up with all the WILD details later this week so be sure to check back!

Hope you have a great Monday!

A Letter to Levi on His First Birthday

Dear Levi,

Your big day is here, and I can hardly believe it. One whole year.

It feels like you have been with us forever, and we can't imagine our family without you.

 But on the other hand, it seems like I just blinked, and those 365 days passed me by in an instant.

You have brought us the most incredible joy.

After years of loss and grief, you were the most amazing gift that could ever be given to us, and we are so very grateful.

My Levi, you are so loved.

I remember the day I first saw your heart beating, the day mine would never again be the same.

I was scared. But I was also thrilled and grateful and humbled. To think that our great God would bless us with this gift, the most wonderful surprise, overwhelmed me. It still does.

And then the day your Daddy and I both heard your heartbeat and saw you bouncing around everywhere inside, the day we found out we were having a little boy, remains one of the happiest days of my life.

I never imagined having another son, but suddenly, I couldn't imagine my life without you.

A new son! I was so excited.

I want you to know that there was not one moment, not even a second, that I felt anything but joy upon learning that you, my darling little boy, were on your way.

Levi, you are so adored.

Your brothers and sister are completely smitten with you, and have been since they first laid eyes on you in the hospital. It has been so special for me as a Mom to watch each of them interact with you, and you have such a special bond with them. 

You have a way of bringing out the best in them, and it melts my heart.  

I used to worry that you would have to grow up all alone because they're so much older than you, but I'm learning that there really was nothing to worry about at all. 

They love you so much, and they will always be there for you.

Little Levi, you are so cherished.

A first birthday is such a wonderful thing, but it's a hard thing, too, as a mother.
I've cried so many times this week, even though I've tried not to. I can't help it, it's all going by so fast. Too fast.

I have loved this year with you. What joy to experience all your firsts alongside you!

The thought of that part being over leaves an ache in my heart. Even now, tears well in my eyes as I think about how fleeting our days together really are.
But we've cherished them, you and I. Even the hard days.

And I'm so thankful for all the days ahead.

I wouldn't mind getting a bit more sleep, though. ;)

But these long nights won't last forever. And I know I'll miss even them.

My sweet Levi, you are so, so loved.

Until very recently, you never smiled at strangers, or even some family members, ha. We joked that you would work for the CIA one day. You didn't even blink when people tried their hardest to get you to smile.

You've always reached for me first, it's my neck you nestle your face into, my hand that you run your soft little fingers up and down. Secretly, or maybe not so secretly, I adore this devoted affection.

But now you're smiling more at other people and really engaging with them. We have discovered that you've got quite a sense of humor after all, and you love to make people laugh.

Everything about you lights up our whole world, and the world is so much better having you in it.

I pray that you always be light in the darkness, and as you grow, that your understanding of and love for God, the Creator of it all, will flourish and be a great comfort and encouragement to you throughout your life.

Above all else, I want you to know that God has loved YOU since the very beginning of time.

Levi, we celebrated you all day long on your special day.
From the moment you opened your eyes to the moment they finally closed, with you, so soft and warm, nestled in my arms.
We love you so very much!
Yes, I'm still a little sad. I held you in my arms for a long time last night because I didn't want to let go of any of it, of you, of our first year. I did see you several times before midnight, though, as usual, but I didn't mind because then we got to spend even more time together before your big day. :)
 I'm also looking forward to discovering more of who you are, to watching you learn and grow. I am so happy that you're mine!

This week has been very cold and dreary, not what I was hoping for for your birthday week. I really wanted to capture some birthday pictures of you, but it's too cold to be outside, and you keep crawling all over the driveway anyway, ha! And there hasn't been much light inside the house, even after all our painting this week. But of course I've tried to take a million pictures of your adorable face anyway, even when you aren't thrilled about it or you let me know that you hate that bunting touching your little toes or you're yelling at me for yogurt because your teeth ache and your tummy is rumbling.

But today, today has been a good day. A wonderful day, really. You had your first donut (munchkin) this morning, and I was a little worried you were going to choke because you popped the whole thing in your mouth before I broke it up a bit. We played and sang and danced and celebrated all day long. You got to see your Mimi and Grampy, and your Grandma and Grandpa, too.

I love you so much.
Happy First Birthday, my sweet boy!

Hugs and kisses, all my love forever and ever,
Mommy

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 113:13-14

Weekend Recap

There are a million and one things running through my mind right now, but really all I can focus on is the fact that my little guy is turning one on Wednesday. I'm not ready! I don't want our first year to be over yet.

Well, with the impending snowstorm over the weekend, we hit the grocery store on Friday for a few essentials, along with the rest of the city, ha. Someone kept himself quite busy- and happy- checking himself out in the mirror while we shopped. :)

Oops, I got a little ahead of myself.

I posted this on IG... I was making lunches and getting breakfast ready, you know the usual early morning drill, when I turned around and unexpectedly saw this. Wow.

Isn't that just the best sight ever to see first thing in the morning?!

And here is what was going on Saturday.

Awesome. #notreally

We lingered in our pajamas for a looong while on Saturday.

That baby hawk! I die.

I'm so sick of cold and snow I didn't even go outside.

 But I did work on a few pretty things for customers. :)

 Friday night was okay, up just a handful of time with Levi, but Saturday night was pretty terrible. We finally fell back to sleep around 6 am after being up for a few hours, and then of course, woke up with a start at 8:09, which feels suuuuper late to me. We were going to our old church, too, which started at 9, so great. It was a frantic half and hour but we made it. I don't know exactly how I feel about being there, but it was okay. We left that church with gaping wounds five years ago, but it didn't feel awful being there again. I don't know what happens from here.

 Ready in record time AND looking cute. Win win!

I look kind of funny here, but this was the face of a very happy Mama.

The sun was shining for the first time in several days, and the temperature was above freezing. Hooray!

Aaaaand, I was picking up some things for Levi's party and taking my sweet old time because I was all by myself. Aah.

Has anyone tried one of those charcoal masks? I'd love to hear about it if you have. I can tell the pores on my nose are different - stress?- and I saw that video of the mask literally pulling the ick right out of your skin. It was SO gross but I kind of love that stuff. Weird, I know.

I posted this picture on Sunday night. Where has my tiny baby gone? I cannot take it.

This was taken this morning, so technically no longer the weekend, but how can I NOT post this brotherly sweetness? Truth be told, I had a rotten day - I am desperate for cute birthday pictures, only my model refused, every single thing I tried. Ugh!- but watching moments like these just make me smile so big.

We had another awful night last night, and another molar is popping through, so I'm not holding out much hope for tonight either. Blech. I want to be excited about his birthday, but I feel like I'm absolutely dreading it instead. Oh this growing up business is so hard!

Tomorrow is it, the last day before his big day. Just breathe, just breathe....