Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
1 Corinthians 3:17

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

When Someone Hurts Your Adopted Child

Hi friends! This post has been brewing in my mind since someone really hurt our Isabelle with some awful comments about being adopted a few weeks ago. Most of us adoptive Mamas, at least those with children who look different from us, have gotten the awkward stares or twice-overs, the puzzled looks, and even the occasional rude comment or question from a stranger. I've talked about it before, but this feels very different from that.

This came from a so-called friend at school, and it was so mean and hurtful, it made me simultaneously want to spit and cry. And maybe wash said friend's mouth out with soap. My heart was broken for my daughter. In a nutshell, she told my daughter that her opinion on something didn't matter because she's ONLY ADOPTED and doesn't have REAL PARENTS, therefore she isn't loved (or really, lovable). She went on to add that she should go back to Guatemala because no one wants her here.

This is fifth grade. And I did not see it coming.

To be honest, I'm still working my mind and heart around this incident, so I will write more about it in the near future, but I do wonder how other Moms would respond to a situation like this. This is what we did: first and foremost, we reminded Isabelle that she is not here by accident or by fate. She is here with us, in our family, because this is exactly where she belongs. We know this to be true because God knit our paths together, and He placed us together as a family, so we do not ever, ever have to question that she isn't right where she belongs.

Second, I talked to Isabelle about the importance of discerning who is a trust-worthy friend, and maybe someone who cannot be trusted. I reminded her that she does not have to share any details of her life with someone she does not trust, that those details are hers alone, and it is up to her whether she wants to share her story or not. Obviously, this sparked quite a discussion about choosing our words wisely when speaking to- and about- others as well. A lesson worth revisiting with all of my children, because to be honest, I would have a HARD time finding out that my kid said or did something like this. And I know it could happen. We all make mistakes.

Lastly, we prayed for her friend.

I'd LOVE to hear from other Moms about this topic. I admit, this isn't my strong suit. I "deal" with conflict by avoiding it (doesn't usually work) and don't like to talk about feelings very much- I think they scare me. What might you have done differently? Have you been faced with a similar situation, and how did you handle it? Thanks!

This is from my very first solo trip to Guate to meet her! Leaving her was one of THE hardest things I have ever done. Ever. I had no way of knowing at the time, but it would be another whole year before our adoption was completed.

One of my favorite pics of her biggest brother greeting her after school

 Joining in with Tuesday Talk today!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I wish I had done what you did and adopt a daughter. We have three sons that I love more than life itself - all married and all decided not to have children which has broken my heart. We went from the AP student with the genius IQ - Son#1 and to the one with the genius IQ who didn't quite care but he was Captain of the football team -Son#2 and then finally to Son#3. He was a small, quiet kid who had a terrible time in Middle School and High School. The best thing I did was right before he graduated from Middle School was request a meeting with his teachers. I told them all the things that happened to him in MS and how they didn't do anything but thought they did. I would contact your daughter's teacher and tell her what this child did. You can't expect things to change unless the school knows what is going on. BTW our #3 is married to the most wonderful girl and has gone back to school. He will graduate from college next year (done by going full time and working 65 hours a week). Good luck.

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